i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
