we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
