I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
