omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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