When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
