the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're too hungover to prance.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
