Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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