Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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