We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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