I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
