WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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