Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
