I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
