): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
