There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
