she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
