no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
