you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
