I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
