I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
