I'm jealous of your bromance
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
