I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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