3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so explain again why im purple
no
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
