I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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