I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
