Sponge bath it is.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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