So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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