Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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