don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
