does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
