We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
