Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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