Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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