Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
