The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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