another moral hangover. fuck.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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