ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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