So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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