I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
