I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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