a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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