do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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