I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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