I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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