i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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