My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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