Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
