Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
