How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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