I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
