Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
