I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
