For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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