Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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