I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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