pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
