Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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