"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
