i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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