Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
