We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
