Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
