she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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