fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
