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Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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