Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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