Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades