i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.