I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween