She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.