Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
