i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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